Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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