shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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