girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
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proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
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I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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