WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize