I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
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Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
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Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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