I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
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I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
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Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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