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my soul wont recognize me after tonight
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
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