So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
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The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
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If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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