I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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