Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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