Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
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I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
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Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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