Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Can you repeat that, but with context?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize