I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
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