I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize