When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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