There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
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I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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