I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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