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my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
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