Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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