You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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