I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
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I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
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People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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