Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
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At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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