Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize