he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize