i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
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My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
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Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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