remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
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I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
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I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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