yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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