This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize