3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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