remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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