I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
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im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
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I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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