Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
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my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
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I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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