On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
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AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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