So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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