I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize