The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
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its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
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Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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