i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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