It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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