the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize