I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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