Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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