Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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