I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
4 words: hood of his car
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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