During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
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i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
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Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
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