i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize