i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
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The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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