im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
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I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
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I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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