we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
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But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
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I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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