I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
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Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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