i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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